Chapter 7: Racism

    

Racist Incident: So, I had my French language DELF test 22 June (day after my birthday) and the oral exam was pretty stressful and I didn't feel it really help establish my skills in French. So I was a bit pissed off when I came out if it. And to unwind Greg and I went to a pub to have a drink to try and relax. We bought our drinks and sat upstairs on a balcony that looked down on the bar and an area where there was stuff set up for a band later...we were chatting and a bit later a older lady carrying a shoulder bag with an artists pad of paper and probably some drawing stuff wondered upstairs and looked like she was looking for a spot to sit down...any way we offered her to sit opposite us as our position had a good view of the bar and stage...and got to talking (this whole thing occurred in French)...asking about if she was here to sketch...she asked where we were from...we said Lannion...(Not far from St. Malo) Then she turned to me and said what country are you from? I said UK. She said: "no, what is your country of ORIGIN! I know people like you (she then pulled her eyes with both index fingers so that they were super slitty!!!!) I know because my daughter in law is one of you. And before I could react Greg responded with: oh no. Her parents are Malaysian Chinese! I wrote on my phone:

"That was incredibly racist"

"I don't like it at all"

"Can we go?"

 

I showed it to Greg. Greg looked at it. And then looked me in the eyes and said (while holding up his €7 beer, which was like 1/3rd full that he had been complaining about how expensive it was, and gesturing it towards me): “let me finish my beer first”. And then turned back smiling to the lady and continued the conversation! He was physically in the way of me leaving my seat. When we did eventually leave he was still chatting and smiling with this woman as we were going down the stairs. I got out of the bar and just cried....I cried all through our dinner. Greg couldn't understand why I was so upset, and repeatedly asked me why I took the opinions of this woman so to heart! Despite me explaining to him that it was his behaviour which made the already uncomfortable situation worse, by effectively telling the lady that I wasn’t really British, but Chinese. I have also explained to him on many occasions that I dislike it when people ask me where I’m from and don’t accept my answer, especially when they really want to know my ethnicity, which is a different question.

 

Greg has no problem going up to people and giving them a piece of his mind. Despite the fact I hate confrontation. And have this fear that normal people can have a lot of rage and your off-hand comment can escalate quickly and out of control....

 

Example: walking on the pavement with Greg and we see a guy throw his cigarette butt on the floor. Greg sees this (I know he's going to confront this shady looking guy) and say to Greg: don't do it. Greg, as per usual ignores me and is on a crusade. Jogs up to the man and shouts oi! Don't litter it's filthy! The guy gets in his car and drives off...

 

Walking along the seafront with Greg, he sees a car (it's a big gas guzzling SUV) idling it's engine unnecessarily while waiting for a car park space. Greg storms up to the driver who has his window wound down. And gives him an earful about why he shouldn't idle his engine...

 

So, knowing Greg's personality, and that he is very willing to call out bad behaviour to random strangers. I'm disappointed that he didn't think that pulling your eyes out at me was bad enough behaviour to warrant a piece of his mind.

 

And he knows it's not appropriate, as I have explained to him, before this incident with the rude lady in the bar, that I don't like it when people tell me I have "yeux bridé" which is french for slitty/slanted eyes, because way before this I told him about when his mum (who I had been a spending a lot of my time with to try and help keep her company and get her out of her severe depression - and neither Greg nor his crappy younger brother can cope with spending more than 30mins with as she is so negative she brings even the most positive person down) had decided to ask me if my mum had slitty eyes like me. She has met my mum many times, there are photos of them together, they have been on holiday together. It's not like she has never seen my mum before or not known her for 14 years. Greg did eventually tell his mum that it was not acceptable. But Greg's mum didn't see any problem with it and because she didn't mean to offend me doesn't understand why I would be offended. She has never apologised to me. And I have continued to be polite to her and cook for her, invite her for tea, make cakes for her....while listening to her complain that no one ever invites her for dinner...

 

Also, he thinks that the French stereotype he faced in London due to Brexit is equivalent to the racism I have experienced in France. He also believes that he experienced similar situations to me as a white person living in Asia, than me living in France. He doesn't seem to understand the difference between white people being viewed as "expats" and how I will always be seen as an immigrant.