Chapter 9: Leaving France

So, I knew I had to leave France, and have been back in London with my mum since late Nov 2023. Greg, in the meantime wrote the usual annual newsletter (“Happy 24”) to everyone 22 January 2024....and came to visit me in London (and attend the Alzheimer's research group thing at UCL between the 20th and 29th Jan. He stayed with me at my mum's, and spent the entire time making me more upset and mad. He still was not understanding anything I was saying. We even had a little stay booked in a hotel in central London so that we could spend some time together. I nearly didn't go stay in the hotel with him because he was being so horrible to me.

 

I went back to Lannion between 2nd March and 11 March. With Greg and I staying in a hotel in Paris together over 9th to 11th...Greg stayed in Paris for work. During this visit to Lannion I again tried to explain to him my situation, and my feeling of the complete lack of support I was getting from him. I wrote him a letter, by hand, outlining my feelings on this and he read it and basically said that he is unable to display affection because his mum never really showed him affection growing up (or even now), and that he was too busy taking care of his dad and mum to give me any attention. Any time before this, when I had brought up the problems I was having with his behaviour, it was always someone else’s fault. I couldn’t stay in France, it was making me sicker. The only way that Greg would let me get my money stuck in the value of the house we bought in Lannion, was according to Greg, by getting a divorce, so that he could get a mortgage in his name and the house entirely in his name (he didn't even consider getting a mortgage in our name, based on his French salary, as we had been planning to do originally), and then told me "its very easy to split all our stuff in the house, look we can do it now!", I said no, I don’t want to do it now, but he didn’t listen, just dragged me around the house, pointing at stuff and deciding what should be whose...he then drafted a divorce agreement, and came up with values for our shared possessions but gave me no idea/detail of what he included or how much he thought it was worth, just provided the end number and told me he was very generous, and then told me to read it. I read it (bear in mind I wasn't in the best frame of mind, and I'd already told him I can't do this now) and I made some amendments, Greg re-worded them all, taking out all the bits important to me. I signed it just because I was so exhausted and just wanted him to stop. This "signed" divorce agreement was started on the 7th March and finished by Greg on the 8^th March. On the 9^th March we travelled to Paris together and spent the weekend in Paris together. As we were leaving the house on the morning of the 9^th March, Greg asked me to give him my house keys. I gave them to him, without argument, I was too exhausted (and also still depressed). As a result, I no longer have access to the house in Lannion.

   

 

So, to top it all off: it turns out that Greg doesn't understand "consent" or any of my attempts to explain why I had to leave France at the end of November last year. As he insisted on calling me Monday morning (8th July) to tell me he had a new girlfriend and to complain about me planning to go back to Lannion for nearly a month in September/October. Conveniently forgetting that I had already told him that the London-Paris Eurostar leg was a rebooking from previous ticket I had booked when I still in France and had booked (a year in advance) Eurostar’s and flights to go back to London for the Rankine lecture and then to go to Singapore for Tomb Sweeping Festival. I later found that I had definitely told Greg about this rebooking of my Eurostar ticket Lon-Paris back on 18 Feb, when I did the rebooking.

 

I reacted very badly to his phone call on the morning of 8^th July 2024 (I was off work on sick leave from the 08/07/2024 to 29/07/2024 “Square health ltd. Fit to work note”), to tell me he had found a new girlfriend, Greg seemed very miffed by this reaction: and on asking him it turns out that he thought 11/07/2024 "We told each other in January, when you clearly told me that our relationship was finished, that we would tell each other if we met someone", then again on 13/07/2024 "We told each other on two occasions, in January and March, that if we would meet someone we would tell the other one." The problem is: I don't remember either, me mentioning this; I was just trying to save myself and knew I had to get out of France and out of Greg's control and find friends and family that could support me through my very difficult time, as Greg was unable/unwilling to help, despite the fact I was clearly distressed. I also do not remember Greg saying this to me at all. I do remember, clearly, that in January, that Greg asked: how soon I would be on Tinder. I was horrified that he thought I was even thinking about this in the depths of my depression - and that I was literally fighting to stay alive. and asked if he was joking. So, I find it very strange that Greg is trying to tell me that I'm the one who told him that we were going to start seeing other people. Especially, given that during many of our discussions when I explained to Greg that I didn't feel supported by him, that he said that he was too absorbed with looking after his parents and brother, and didn't have time to consider me. and that he had given up climbing for me (he hadn't he was going climbing 2 times a week in the gym with some of our common friends (who also remember this) and he also went climbing outdoors every other weekend and went on week-long climbing trips with the same climbing groups....all while I was sinking deeper and deeper into my depression.

I feel like despite all I have sacrificed for Greg and his family they don't have the decency to treat me with even the minimum of respect - I also know that none of them would have done the same for me if the situations were reversed! I don't feel I have been treated fairly at all. And to top it all off, Greg is holding my possessions and savings (in the house) hostage, he has trapped my savings in the house in France and will not give me back my half unless I divorce him. But I am waiting for my French citizenship application (via marriage) to be completed before I complete the divorce proceedings.

It strikes me that despite all my efforts to explain my situation to Greg and knowing how hard it is for him to empathise, and how he has taken to blaming everyone else for his behaviours and actions, I wrote down my feelings and what I thought were the problems on paper to him, as well as speaking to him at length trying to find different ways of explaining the same thing to get him to understand. I also kept asking him to explain back to me what he understood....but never got a decent response...just a "all the stuff you said" or yes I understand...but obviously he didn't understand at all...