How (not) to deal with a narcissist with OCD and control issues... A.K.A Way Way's mid-life crisis

  [Originally posted of Facebook Sunday 25 August 2024]

Do you believe me when I say Greg is very difficult unless you do what he wants? Do you believe me when I say that Greg has very little ability to empathise? Did you ever visit and stay with us or go camping with us? Did you notice it was me who was the one who made sure we had enough food supplies and organised all the cooking? Do you believe me?       [Originally posted of Facebook Sunday 25 August 2024]

Edited version of Facebook post from 21st August (around 1pm when I got out of Lannion Hospital) I am not Okay. But I am not finished yet. Greg came back this morning and was furious at my beautiful art installation. He immediately cleaned some of the glass [his OCD means he can't stand mess!]. And then raged at me for being controlling and threatening him and his family by being so rude as to tell his old school friends about what happened to me (from my perspective) he told be I was his abuser. He was the victim. He shouted that he was going to call the police and get me arrested. He wanted me out of HIS house (we co-own the house and he hasn't bought my half off me yet) HIS home. He didn't feel safe around me. I have destroyed his stuff (I didn't break anything I just drew on the wall with posca pens and on the glass with chalk markers). He also never wanted me to come back to *his* house. He called the police and told them that I had broken his house. Th...

 Self-portrait 20 August 2024 I am back to the place where my abuse took place. It took all my strength to leave, back in Nov 2023. I was broken, crushed, destroyed and having suicidal thoughts. I thought I would be "safe" to try to pull myself together. At home surrounded by friends and family (in contrast to here where my family were never welcome - and isolated culturally and socially) but Greg was able to harm me more - when I thought I was starting to get a tiny bit better from what, I stupidly thought, was my lowest low; I was kicked when I was already down - it made it worse - it was worse - I don't know if I can ever get back my hope. I used to think everyone was basically good, just maybe misunderstood. I was wrong. I thought if you treated others with kindness and respect, nice people would reciprocate. Stay away from toxic people. Stay away from unkind people. Treat others as you wish to be treated. Most of all be kind. I did this. I did all this and more...but...

My usual coping tactics of trying to concentrate on work, volunteering, crafts, cooking have failed. I was so desperate I thought having my own income would help, and when that didn't work, I thought moving back to the UK would help, as it would be easier to seek medical help in my native language, rather than deal with the racist misogynistic medical system that I was facing in France. Unfortunately, I have come to the point where none of this has worked and I am unable to cope with anything.  I thought keeping busy so that I didn't have time to think about how bad my situation was, but seeing friends and family, or doing volunteering, or crafts would cheer me up, but there was no enjoyment in anything... including work. Well meaning friends and family would say things like: It will get better! You are very brave! This will make you stronger! Or I've been through worse, you can get through this! As well meaning as those words and intentions are, they do not help. I just do...

So, I knew I had to leave France, and have been back in London with my mum since late Nov 2023. Greg, in the meantime wrote the usual annual newsletter (“Happy 24”) to everyone 22 January 2024....and came to visit me in London (and attend the Alzheimer's research group thing at UCL between the 20th and 29th Jan. He stayed with me at my mum's, and spent the entire time making me more upset and mad. He still was not understanding anything I was saying. We even had a little stay booked in a hotel in central London so that we could spend some time together. I nearly didn't go stay in the hotel with him because he was being so horrible to me.   I went back to Lannion between 2nd March and 11 March. With Greg and I staying in a hotel in Paris together over 9th to 11th...Greg stayed in Paris for work. During this visit to Lannion I again tried to explain to him my situation, and my feeling of the complete lack of support I was getting from him. I wrote him a letter, by hand,...